We’ve all seen those perfectly trained dogs on TV—the ones who sit, stay, and fetch with flawless precision. And then there’s my dog, Charlie. Charlie has mastered a very different skill set: the art of ignoring me entirely.
And the scary part? He’s really good at it. In fact, if ignoring your owner were an Olympic sport, Charlie would have more gold medals than Michael Phelps.
Step 1: Selective Hearing 101
The first sign that your dog is becoming a pro ignorer is “selective hearing.” This is when they instantly respond to the words “treat,” “walk,” or “dinner,” but mysteriously develop hearing loss the moment you say “come here” or “drop it.”
Charlie can hear a snack bag crinkle from three rooms away but somehow doesn’t hear me yelling his name while he’s digging in the trash. It’s like living with a furry, four-legged teenager.
Step 2: Mastering the “I’m Busy” Look
Another essential skill for ignoring your human is the look. Not just any look—it’s the one that says, “I acknowledge your existence, but what you’re saying is beneath me.”
If I’m on the couch calling Charlie to come cuddle, he’ll glance at me from his dog bed, stretch dramatically, and turn his back like he’s just too booked and busy to deal with me right now.
Step 3: The Outdoor Distraction Game
When we’re outside, Charlie’s ability to ignore me reaches professional levels. If there’s a squirrel in sight, forget it. I could be holding a platter of roast chicken and singing his favorite squeaky toy song, and he wouldn’t even blink.
This isn’t bad training—it’s strategic prioritization. Squirrel > Me, and he knows it.
Step 4: Pretend Sleep
Sometimes, Charlie takes it to the next level with the “pretend sleep” move. I’ll call his name, and he’ll be lying on his side with one eye cracked open just enough to see if I’m holding food. If not, his eyelid slowly closes again, as if to say, Not now. Maybe later. Probably never.
Step 5: The “Other Person” Loyalty Shift
Every now and then, Charlie decides someone else is more interesting than me—usually a neighbor, a visiting friend, or anyone who smells faintly of bacon. Suddenly, my commands are invisible, and he’s following this new person around like they’re his lifelong soulmate.
I’ve become the “ex” in my own living room.
Step 6: The Leash Standoff
On walks, Charlie will occasionally stop dead in his tracks and refuse to move, especially if I’m trying to go home. I’ll tug gently, coax, and bribe, but he stands firm like a tiny, stubborn statue. Eventually, I’m the one who gives in, because let’s face it—he’s in control, and we both know it.
Why Dogs Are So Good at This
The truth is, dogs are incredibly smart when it comes to figuring out what’s worth their attention. They’ve learned through experience which commands are optional, which situations have rewards, and when they can get away with doing their own thing.
In Charlie’s case, ignoring me isn’t about defiance—it’s about efficiency. Why waste energy obeying every request when you can save your energy for the important stuff, like chasing a ball or napping in a sunbeam?
The Humor in It All
While it can be frustrating, there’s something undeniably funny about being outsmarted by your own pet. They’re not just ignoring us—they’re doing it with style. That tail flick, that slow blink, that deliberate decision to sniff every blade of grass instead of coming inside—it’s like performance art.
Final Thought
If your dog has learned to ignore you like a pro, don’t take it personally. They still love you—they’ve just mastered the delicate balance of independence and affection. And honestly, maybe we could all learn a thing or two from them about setting boundaries.
Just remember, when they finally do decide to listen, act like it was your plan all along. You’ll save face, and they’ll let you keep thinking you’re in charge… even though you both know the truth.